Getting me out of my way

Two weeks ago I talked about changing my approach to blogging. This change essentially marks the beginning of me finally getting out of my way.

I'll tell you a secret: I'm pretty insecure. I am not always sure my garters are the best garters out there. Sometimes I worry they aren't even the very best they can be. Also, I'm not sure I'm a good writer so I worry my blog isn't very good or even entertaining. And I am pretty sure I'm not going about this small business thing quite the right way. Oh yeah, and I'm really short, my hair is often frizzy, I get more breakouts than a 15 year old, my laugh is really loud...

But, and here's another secret, I'm also really awesome. I can combine colors and fabrics like nobody's business. I am excellent at offering customer service. I write in my own voice, which might be bad from a technical writing standpoint but means my readers can get a good dose of enthusiasm, personality and quirkiness every time they visit. I also have pretty good grammar. And let's not forget my stellar legs, pretty feet, tenacity, fashion sense, sympathy bone, bravery...

In my old way of blogging I threw all those things together into a big jumbled jumble of jumbling jumbledness. I wanted people to come to my blog and see that I am a whole person who puts her whole self into ever part of her life. And I wanted everyone to love me for it. Because I'm insecure. See, it didn't matter that my mom or husband or friends thought I was awesome because they have to think that. I wanted perfect strangers to find me awesome and come flocking to my blog to tell me so.

But that need for reassurance was getting in my way. I do think people will appreciate my garters more if they really connect with me, but there is no sense in forcing it. In fact, I was worrying so much about being liked that I was stressed out, bogged down, and losing sight of making things I like - garters. So, after about a week of moping I made the change - I put some separation between my business and the rest of my life. I told my insecure, compliment-fishing self to get out of my way. It was pretty hard. We fought for a few days and I almost gave in, but, after a few tears, I sent me on my way.

I still put all of me into my work. I'm still insecure, too, but I no longer need the world wide internet visiting my blog to make those feelings go away.  Instead, I use them to look at what I've done with a critical eye then fix the things that might truly be a problem.  Now both parts of me feel better, my blog is more cohesive, and the stress reduction has reopened my creative pathways. Whew, I'm a little hard to get over.

(You can still see many other parts of my life at my new old personal blog, Inexplicably Endearing)

Do you ever get in your own way?  How have you gotten over yourself?