Friday, November 30, 2007
Be it right or be it wrong
I'm having a major case of "Oh God, what have I done?" A few weeks ago I decided to quit my job. you know, that thing that makes me money. Sometimes. Starting in January, I will be a full time student. And unemployed. Without benefits. On Tuesday I had to give a presentation in my Sociology class. I opted to do a paper on the TV series Buffy the Vampire Slayer and the socializing influence it carries. Then I presented to a classroom of blank stares. The night before, I discussed it with my completely unimpressed boyfriend. Two days prior I interviewed my totally disgusted friend. On Thursday I listened to two stellar presentations and then a mediocre presentation on Novellas that everybody ATE UP. So pretty much - Oh God! What have I done? I wanted to do this college thing so that I'd have a degree (read: earning power), but also so that I could gain some confidence. I am so tired of feeling like a bubble head. However, with most of my friends in medical or law school and my boyfriend about to become a Naval Officer with a degree in Foreign Relations from one of the top schools in the country and classmates who discuss the iconic value of Mary Magdalene, I still feel like a bubblehead. People are out there worrying about the disintegration of religion and the validity of supreme court rulings. They are learning to SAVE LIVES or program computers, or speak Arabic. And I, I'm examining the correlation of popular TV culture with violence against women and the misogynistic viewpoint a dead playwright. I'm arranging photo albums and trying to convince my little neighbor girl to wear something other than pajama pants. Now, I've quit the only thing that gives me value to complete a degree in a highly disregarded soft science because I somehow thought this would improve my chances to make rent each month. Unfortunately, be it right or be it wrong, I have to stick with it because there really is no turning back from a notice of resignation. A few weeks ago I was folding under the pressure of being called a hero for all the juggling I do. What was I thinking?