Thursday, September 13, 2007
Is this as hard as it gets?
Ben and I had a fight. Ugh. It was so very mild; no yelling or name calling or anything silly like that. We just had a difference of opinion and it led to some complications. In any case, I have that squeamish insecure feeling now. It's nowhere near as bad as it was with Jesse. The two conversations subsequent to the "fight" have been short and he seems curt. I'll admit that the curtness could be my paranoia. Normally we are sickeningly lovey dovey on the phone and play the whole I love you/I miss you/why can't we be closer routine to death. However, he only tossed me an "I love you" at the very end of Tuesday's phone call and it was sort of joking. I hate this. I have this fear that things won't be the same now or that he sees me differently and won't love me as much and...ugh! Do you people know how much I want to deserve this boy? Do you know how much I want to prove to him that I can get over this insecurity deal so he doesn't have to reassure me all the time? We'll probably pull through, but if I keep up this paranoia, how long will we last? This is the hard part of a long distance relationship. There is no physical reassurance, no looks of affirmation. *sigh*