Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Ah, so I'm finally experiencing the rub of a long distance relationship. Actually, let's not pretend, I'd probably be like this in any relationship. Insecure that is. Yesterday I was suddenly overwhelmed with the fear that Ben was going to end things. He has NEVER said anything resembling break up talk. He's just been mentioning this other girl more frequently lately. I'm not jealous (well of course I'm jealous she gets to see him regularly and I don't, but I get to see more of him when I do see him). The thing is, I've met her. She's smart, and pretty, and funny. She works hard. She likes my boy. She doesn't have a kid, or an ex-husband. She lives in DC. Also, he's always in a good mood when he's spent some time with her. It all reminds me that there are other choices out there for Ben. When I get through all this insecure nonsense I'll feel pretty good because he still chooses me over all the others. In the meantime though, I have this fear that he might wake up and choose some other. What wouldn't I give to have him hold me RIGHT NOW so that I could feel his heartbeat and know I have nothing to worry about.