Tuesday, June 12, 2007

The Name of the Game

What is it about friends getting engaged that suddenly makes a girl go crazy if she is not on the verge of the same? I'm going to go with my competitive streak. Clarise got engaged this month. Yea Clarise. And I am really excited for her. I mean, have you heard her talk about this boy? On the other hand, I guess I'm a little jealous...more like impatient...no jealous....okay, maybe both. I am totally not ready to wrap my life around someone else's dreams again. I do that for Emily and plan to keep on so I don't need to keep up with your desires too. I am not ready to live with someone else. My recent roommate experience with Hava was stellar, but not something I want to do for an extended period. Not yet. So what's with the jealousy and impatience? I guess I am just looking forward to that feeling of being loved for a long time to come. And really, I think it is all about natural feminine competition. I like to be the best, perfect even. I want to one up the girl who just got engaged with a "look what I have." Petty, yes. So let's step away from the petty and "look at what I have." I have a hot boyfriend who is so intelligent and incredibly kind. He's also human and often confesses to being afraid that I'll figure that out some day. How compelling is that!? He asks about my day and lets me prattle about children's birthday parties and my non-understanding of politics. He practices class presentations on the phone with me. I know so many of his insecurities because I knew him way back when he was chasing after other girls. What I don't have is a desired to be toed down. Not just yet. Thank goodness for that. As bubbleheaded as I am, I know that committed relationships are not something you spur along just to keep up with the other pretty girls. So, I'll just be a girlfriend right now and in that capacity there is one thing more that I have: a lot to offer.

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